"The exploration, between consenting partners, of alternative or nontraditional forms of eroticism." - Slakker."Ritualized sexual aggression and submission." - Jay Wiseman."People are feeling like, what's the point of labeling? If I must label, let me create my own." To avoid misunderstandings, you need to be aware of what you are saying as well as what you mean to say. It's good to remember that for some perverse reason we in the scene enjoy embracing many terms - such as slave, boy, rape, torture, and fetish - which have very negative connotation outside the community - for understandable reasons.He's not a Dom, he's just a top." That kind of dominance is small. Sometimes people use definitions and qualifiers as a means to assert themselves over others: "I'm a true Old Guard Master.
There is no magic formula to make each word register identical images in the mind of each person who hears it." (p.237) Moreover, some terms such as "sensual sadist," and "competitive exhibitionism" are personal and carry unique meaning to the person who coined them. As Larry Towsend writes in the Silver Jubilee edition of The Leatherman's Handbook, "language is not hard and fast enough to provide a single defintion for every term. Most terms are loosely defined with a wide degree of interpretation as to their meaning. There is no universally recognized authority on BDSM and we have no equivalent of the French Academy for deciding what words are acceptable and which of their many definitions are correct. In other words, if there's no one special person to whom you seek to please, don't aspire to conform to someone else's concept of who you are but instead try to live your own ideal. We need to decide who we are and what we want as individuals before we try to slip into categories. We should look at people as individuals instead of types. But once we begin to conform our behavior to the terms - rather than use the terms to explain or describe - they become problematic. Terms best serve us as tools to identify complicated ideas and concepts for our convenience.
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